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by Melissa Borden
It was a typical weekday morning. I was at the stove making scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast. Nate, 3 months old, was sleeping to the hum of the stove exhaust fan in his bouncer on the kitchen table. Angelina, 22 months, was running through the house alternating between strolling her baby dolls and riding on her Dora-mobile. Both of these activities were done at the highest volume level possible. I watched Nate startle and stir with every loud, abrasive noise. It was then that Angelina started to shriek at the top of her lungs, not in pain, but in glee. Perhaps it was to see how her voice worked, or to hear the echo off the high living room ceiling, or perhaps for no reason at all. Again I watched my sleeping infants’ eyes shoot open as he tried to turn in the bouncy seat, but couldn’t because he was belted in. I looked at my toddler, completely unaware of what was going on with her brother; and in the moment before I reprimanded her for yelling, the thought struck me: she is only just starting to learn what it means to be part of a family. Then I had the more insightful thought, I am just starting to learn what it means to be part of a family.
As I thought about this, it occurred to me that just because you get married and have children, it may not automatically make it easy to be part of a family. The roles and responsibilities that go along with being a member of a family may be completely alien to anything you have ever known. I think this may especially be true for people, such as myself, who grew up with a level of dysfunction in the home, where roles and responsibilities were blurred.
I breathed in a little easier as I continued to think about the ramifications of this idea. The thought crossed my mind, “Maybe I’m being too hard on myself at times”. Maybe I am. I definitely do not feel confident at all times about my performance as a wife and as a mother. Although, I do admit that I am far more critical of my role as a mother. I have filled my head with expectations of everything I think I should be able to accomplish and feel; when these expectations meet with the chaos of everyday life in a home with two children under two years old I am left standing with half completed tasks and feelings of guilt and disappointment in myself. Instead of viewing my new roles as a learning process, I have committed myself to focusing on the failures instead of the beautiful process of learning how to be a good mother and head of a growing family.
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